Signs You're in a One-Sided Agreement

Most one-sided agreements do not start that way. They start as reasonable conversations between two people who both seem to want fairness. Then the terms get drafted, small compromises pile up, and six months later one person is giving far more than they are getting while the other has a deal they would never find elsewhere.

If you have a nagging feeling that your arrangement is not quite fair, this article will help you figure out whether that instinct is right—and what you can do about it.

The Warning Signs

1. You Cannot Explain the Terms to a Friend

Try this exercise: describe your arrangement's terms to an imaginary neutral third party. If you find yourself making excuses—"well, it sounds bad, but..."—that is information. Fair agreements do not require justification. They describe a straightforward exchange that benefits both parties.

If you would be embarrassed to show the written terms to someone you trust, the terms probably are not fair.

2. The Exit Clause Only Works for One Person

This is one of the most reliable indicators of a one-sided agreement. Look at what happens if each party wants to leave:

• Can both of you exit with the same notice period?
• Does one person face financial consequences for leaving while the other does not?
• Is one person's post-arrangement life significantly harder than the other's?

A fair exit clause treats both parties symmetrically. If the consequences of leaving are dramatically different for each person, the arrangement is designed to keep one person locked in.

3. One Person's Obligations Are Vague While the Other's Are Specific

Compare what each person is committing to. In a one-sided agreement, you will often see something like:

• Person A: "Will provide financial support" (amount unspecified, timing flexible)
• Person B: "Will be available every weekend, respond to messages within two hours, maintain a certain appearance, attend specific events"

When one person's obligations are detailed and measurable while the other's are vague and subjective, the person with vague obligations holds all the power. They get to decide whether they have met their commitments while the other person's compliance is easily judged.

Fair agreements have clear financial terms and specific expectations on both sides.

4. Amendments Always Go One Direction

Healthy arrangements evolve. Both parties' needs change, and the terms should adapt. But track the direction of changes over time:

• Have the expectations of you increased since the original agreement?
• Has the other person's commitment decreased?
• Were changes presented as conversations or announcements?

If every amendment has benefited the same person, you are not in a negotiation. You are in a slow erosion of your original terms.

5. Your Concerns Are Dismissed as "Drama"

Pay attention to what happens when you raise an issue:

• "You're overthinking this."
• "No one else has ever had a problem with this."
• "I thought you were more easygoing than this."
• "If you're not happy, you can always leave."

These responses share a common function: they reframe your legitimate concern as a character flaw. In a fair arrangement, concerns are addressed, not dismissed. Both parties should feel comfortable raising issues without being labeled difficult.

6. Confidentiality Protects One Person More Than the Other

Read your confidentiality terms carefully. Who benefits more from secrecy?

In many one-sided arrangements, confidentiality is framed as mutual but functionally protects only one person—usually the person with more to lose publicly. Meanwhile, the other person's need for privacy may not be addressed at all.

A balanced confidentiality section protects both parties' privacy, reputations, and personal information equally.

7. You Feel Grateful Instead of Satisfied

There is a difference between feeling satisfied with your arrangement and feeling grateful that the other person is "willing" to have it with you. Satisfaction comes from a fair exchange. Gratitude in this context often comes from a power imbalance where one person has convinced the other that they are doing them a favor.

Both parties bring value to the arrangement. If you find yourself feeling like you owe the other person for the privilege of the arrangement itself, something is off.

What To Do If You Recognize These Signs

Step 1: Document What You Have

Before raising any concerns, make sure you have your own copy of the current agreement and any records of how the terms have changed over time. If amendments were verbal, write down what you remember, including approximate dates.

Step 2: Identify Specific Changes You Want

Vague requests for "fairness" are easy to dismiss. Specific requests are harder to argue with. Before the conversation, list exactly what you want to change:

• "I want the financial terms to specify an exact amount and date."
• "I want the exit clause to include a 60-day transition period for both parties."
• "I want the confidentiality terms to explicitly protect my personal information."

Step 3: Have the Conversation

Choose a time when you are both calm and not in the middle of another issue. Frame it as wanting to improve the arrangement for both of you, not as an accusation. Most people respond better to "I want to make this work better" than to "you are being unfair."

Step 4: Evaluate the Response

How the other person responds to your concerns tells you more than the concerns themselves. A partner who is genuinely interested in fairness will engage with your requests—they might not agree to everything, but they will take you seriously.

A partner who dismisses, deflects, threatens, or guilt-trips you is confirming that the one-sided terms are intentional.

Step 5: Be Prepared to Walk Away

If the conversation does not lead to meaningful changes, you need to decide whether you are willing to stay in a one-sided arrangement. Sometimes the answer is yes—people make pragmatic choices. But make that choice with full awareness, not because you convinced yourself the terms are fair when they are not.

Prevention Is Easier Than Correction

The best defense against a one-sided agreement is a strong starting process. Both parties should contribute to drafting the terms. Both should have time to review independently. Both should feel comfortable proposing changes. And both should have access to resources like our agreement structure guide to understand what fair terms look like.

For more guidance, visit our Power Dynamics and Fairness hub.