Writing Your Casual Agreement

You've decided to put your arrangement in writing. That's a genuinely good decision. Most casual arrangements that go sideways do so because of miscommunication that a simple document could have prevented.

But writing an agreement for a casual arrangement isn't like writing a business contract. The tone matters. The balance matters. Getting too formal makes people uncomfortable. Getting too casual defeats the purpose.

This guide walks you through the actual process of writing a casual agreement — what to include, how to phrase it, what to avoid, and how to present it to the other person without making it feel like a courtroom deposition.

Why Write It Down at All?

If you're still on the fence about whether a written agreement is necessary, here's the short version: human memory is unreliable, assumptions are invisible, and feelings change.

A written agreement:

• Eliminates ambiguity about what both people agreed to
• Prevents "I never said that" disputes by creating a record
• Forces clarity — the act of writing things down reveals gaps and assumptions you didn't know you had
• Creates accountability — it's harder to casually violate a term when it's written in front of you
• Protects both parties if things go wrong later
• Demonstrates mutual respect — you're both taking this seriously enough to be clear about it

For a deeper look at why documentation matters, see why write down casual agreements.

What Format to Use

There's no single correct format for a casual agreement. The right format depends on the nature of the arrangement and the comfort level of both parties.

Simple Shared Note

A document in Google Docs, Apple Notes, or a similar platform that both parties can access. Good for arrangements that are straightforward and low-stakes.

Pros: Easy to create and update, feels informal, both parties can edit Cons: Less secure, might feel too informal for important terms, access can be revoked

Text or Email Summary

After a conversation about terms, one person sends a summary message and the other confirms it. "Here's my understanding of what we discussed: [terms]. Does this match yours?"

Pros: Creates a timestamped record, very natural and low-pressure Cons: Hard to update, can get lost in message history, may not feel like a "real" agreement

PDF Document

A more structured document that both parties review and acknowledge. This can range from a simple one-page summary to a more detailed agreement with sections and terms.

Pros: Feels more official, can be stored securely, good for complex arrangements Cons: Can feel overly formal, requires both parties to review the full document

For sugar relationships and arrangements with significant financial or privacy components, a structured PDF can be particularly valuable. SugarDaddyContracts.com offers a tool to generate a private PDF agreement tailored to your arrangement's specific terms — covering financial details, privacy provisions, boundaries, and exit terms in a format that feels professional without being stiff.

Handwritten Agreement

Written on paper, signed by both parties. Some people find this more personal and less clinical than a digital document.

Pros: Personal touch, requires physical presence which adds gravitas, no digital footprint Cons: Harder to update, only one copy unless photocopied, can be lost or damaged

The Core Sections of a Casual Agreement

Regardless of format, most casual agreements should cover these areas. Not every section is relevant to every arrangement — use what applies to yours.

1. The Basics

Start with who's involved and what the arrangement is, in plain language.

Example:

This is an agreement between [Name/Nickname 1] and [Name/Nickname 2] regarding our [type of arrangement]. We've discussed the following terms and both agree to them as of [date].

Keep it simple. No "heretofore" or "party of the first part." This is an agreement between two people, not a corporate merger.

2. Nature of the Arrangement

Describe what the arrangement is in broad terms. This sets the context for everything that follows.

Example:

We are entering a friends-with-benefits arrangement. This is a casual, non-exclusive arrangement that includes friendship, companionship, and physical intimacy. It is not a committed romantic relationship.

This might feel obvious, but writing it down prevents the situation where one person thinks they're in a relationship and the other thinks they're in a casual arrangement.

3. Time and Availability

How often you'll see each other and how scheduling works.

Example:

We plan to see each other approximately twice per month, usually on weekends. Either of us can suggest a meeting, and we'll confirm at least two days in advance. If one of us needs to cancel, we'll give at least 24 hours notice.

See scheduling and time commitments for more on this.

4. Financial Terms (If Applicable)

Be specific. This is the section where vagueness causes the most damage.

Example:

[Name 1] will provide [Name 2] with $[amount] per month via [payment method], sent on or before the [date] of each month. This amount covers our agreed arrangement and is not contingent on specific activities or acts.

If your arrangement doesn't involve money, you can include a statement like: "This arrangement has no financial component. Neither party expects or will provide financial support in connection with this arrangement."

See setting financial expectations for detailed guidance.

5. Boundaries and Expectations

This section covers what's expected and what's off-limits. Be as specific as needed.

Example:

Physical intimacy is part of our arrangement. We'll communicate openly about boundaries and preferences, and either person can decline any activity at any time without explanation or consequence.

We are both free to date other people. We agree to inform each other if we begin a serious relationship with someone else, as this may affect our arrangement.

See consent and physical boundaries and exclusivity and dating others.

6. Communication Terms

How you'll communicate and what's expected.

Example:

We'll communicate primarily through Signal. We'll respond to messages within a reasonable time (generally within a few hours during waking hours), understanding that delays are normal and not a reflection of interest. Serious conversations (about the arrangement itself, boundaries, or concerns) will happen in person or by phone call, not over text.

See communication norms and boundaries for frameworks.

7. Privacy and Confidentiality

What stays private and how information is protected.

Example:

The existence and terms of this arrangement are confidential. Neither of us will share details about this arrangement with friends, family, or on social media without the other person's explicit permission.

Any intimate photos or content shared between us are private. Neither of us will share, forward, or publish any intimate content without explicit written permission from the other person. This obligation continues after the arrangement ends.

See FWB confidentiality clause and shared photos and content agreement for detailed templates.

8. Exit Terms

How the arrangement can be ended.

Example:

Either of us can end this arrangement at any time, for any reason. We ask that the person ending things communicates directly (in person or by phone) rather than simply disappearing. If possible, we'll give at least one week's notice.

When the arrangement ends:

• All confidentiality terms remain in effect indefinitely
• Any intimate content will be deleted by both parties within 48 hours
• [If applicable] Final financial obligations for the current period will be honored
• We'll respect each other's request for no contact if that's preferred

See how much notice before ending and ending arrangements digital cleanup.

9. Modification Terms

How the agreement can be changed.

Example:

Either of us can propose changes to this agreement at any time. Changes take effect when both people agree to them. We'll review this agreement together every three months to make sure it still reflects our arrangement accurately.

10. Acknowledgment

Both parties confirm they've read, understood, and agree to the terms.

Example:

We've both read and discussed this agreement. We enter into it freely and without pressure. We understand that this is a personal agreement reflecting our mutual understanding, and we commit to honoring its terms in good faith.

[Name/Signature 1] — [Date] [Name/Signature 2] — [Date]

Writing Tips for Tone and Clarity

Use "we" language. "We agree to..." feels collaborative. "[Person] shall..." feels like you're serving papers.

Be specific but not clinical. "We'll see each other about twice a month" is better than "meetings shall occur bi-monthly" or "we'll hang out sometimes."

Write at a level both people understand. If one person is a lawyer and the other isn't, the agreement should be written so both can understand every word.

Avoid threats or penalties. "If you violate this agreement, I will..." is adversarial. Focus on what you're agreeing to, not what you'll do if the other person fails.

Keep it reasonable in length. A casual agreement that's longer than 2-3 pages is probably trying to cover too much. Focus on the terms that matter most.

Read it out loud. If it sounds weird spoken aloud, it'll feel weird in practice. Adjust the tone until it sounds like something two adults would actually say to each other.

How to Present the Agreement

The delivery matters as much as the content. Here's how to introduce the idea of a written agreement without making the other person uncomfortable:

Frame it as mutual protection. "I want to make sure we're both on the same page and both protected. Can we write down what we've agreed to?"

Start with the conversation, then document. Don't show up with a pre-written agreement for the other person to sign. Discuss terms first, then create the document together based on what you discussed.

Give them time. Let the other person read the agreement on their own time. Don't pressure for immediate agreement. "Take a look at this and let me know if anything doesn't feel right" shows respect.

Be open to changes. If the other person wants to modify terms, that's a good sign — it means they're taking it seriously. Negotiate in good faith.

Use the right tool. For straightforward arrangements, a shared note or text summary works. For more complex situations with financial terms, privacy considerations, and detailed boundaries, a tool like SugarDaddyContracts.com can help you generate a professional, private agreement without starting from scratch.

What NOT to Include

Illegal terms. Don't include anything that could be interpreted as paying for specific sexual acts or other illegal activity. See keeping arrangements legal.

Punitive clauses. Financial penalties for boundary violations feel coercive, not protective. Focus on what happens (the arrangement ends) rather than what's owed.

Terms one person hasn't agreed to. Everything in the document should reflect a genuine agreement. Don't slip in terms the other person hasn't explicitly agreed to.

Overly personal information. Full legal names, social security numbers, and specific addresses don't need to be in the agreement unless relevant (like a roommate agreement that references a specific property). Minimize identifying information to protect both parties' privacy.

Permanent commitments. Casual agreements should be modifiable and terminable. Don't include terms that lock either person into something permanently.

Your Agreement Writing Checklist

• Discussed all terms verbally before writing anything
• Covered the core sections relevant to your arrangement
• Used clear, plain language (no legalese)
• Made sure terms are specific and not vague
• Ensured the agreement protects both parties, not just one
• Included exit terms
• Included privacy and confidentiality terms
• Built in a review/modification process
• Both parties had time to read and consider the agreement
• Both parties had opportunity to suggest changes
• Both parties acknowledged the agreement (signature, text confirmation, etc.)
• Both parties have a copy stored securely
• Set a date for the first review

After the Agreement Is Written

Writing the agreement isn't the end — it's the beginning. From here:

1. Store it securely. Both parties should have a copy in a secure location — a password-protected folder, encrypted drive, or physical safe.
2. Reference it when needed. When questions come up, go back to the agreement. That's what it's there for.
3. Update it when things change. Life changes, feelings change, circumstances change. Keep the agreement current.
4. Don't weaponize it. The agreement is a tool for clarity, not a weapon for arguments. Quoting it back at someone in anger defeats its purpose.

Related Reading

• Why Write Down Casual Agreements
• How to Write an Enforceable Casual Agreement
• Setting Financial Expectations
• FWB Agreement Essentials
• Sugar Relationship NDA Template
• Consent and Physical Boundaries
• Keeping Arrangements Legal

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This guide is for informational purposes only. Written casual agreements create clarity and demonstrate intent, but their legal enforceability depends on jurisdiction and specific terms. This is not legal advice. Consult a qualified attorney if you need legal guidance about a specific agreement.